IF Laurence Llewellyn-Bowen drank here he would tell you the walls were painted in ripe avocado and burnished orange. But he doesn't, so I can tell you the walls are painted in the sort of puke-making shades very young children use for their bestest pictures of their mums.

This pub is very green and orange. Mind you, the sketches of Homer, Marge and the kids at least show someone here has a sense of humour.

Why is it called The Sportsman? Well, every nook and cranny has some sort of sporting memorabilia stuffed into it. Ancient running shoes, basketballs, cricket bats, golf clubs, tennis rackets and table tennis nets are among the weird and wonderful items tacked up and on display for you to study while enjoying your drink.

(I wouldn't take too long inspecting the judo kit pinned up above the pool table however. It has about 17 years worth of dust and cobwebs on it, and, not surprisingly, it has started to lose that soap commercial "blue white" look).

Lunchtime in The Sportsman is fine. It's not busy, and you can't help thinking that perhaps it is staying open just for you.

Pool is just 50 pence. A couple of pints is £4.80, there is a TV sport only to be shown and live music most weekends. Not bad at all.

FA